Sometimes Progress Ain’t Progress

I am the biggest fan of the Kindle.  I mean like, it’s my favorite thing on the planet.  I carry it with me everywhere.  The best friend for anyone who loves to read and possibly has a weak back from carrying 3 or more books around at a time, and maybe a little ADHD to boot.  No lie, I will pull that sucker out in a drive-thru line if I’m not moving fast enough.  If you don’t have one already, buy one.  I highly recommend it.

So I love it.  Like I love, love it.

But here’s my one gripe.

They have this new thing now where you can self-publish.  So any Joe Schmo with two pages of written material (or so) and an internet account can go to Amazon, load their two pages, and sell it like it’s a “real book” for say $0.99.

I can’t tell you how many times lately I’ve been duped into buying some book with all these raving reviews only to realize in the first five pages it’s just some watered down version of Twilight with a different setting and the reviews were from a bunch of junior high kids (I can only assume) who, bless their sweet, young hearts, have a different definition of “THIS IS THE BEST BOOK EVER!  I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOOVED IT!!!!!’ than I do.

I loved the Twilight love story as much as the next person but please, no one think for one second this was some literary masterpiece.  The writing was weak at best.  Ter-ri-ble.  (Not $0.99 self-published terrible by any stretch, but terrible in its own category.)  Twilight became “TWILIGHT” because of the actual story, not the writing.  The naive damsel in distress with the hero protecting and loving her so devoutly.  Waiting 100+ years just for her.  Fighting over her with another equally hot freak of nature.  What girl doesn’t love that?

But now, because of Amazon’s self-publishing bit, I am inundated by stories of girls who don’t know how powerful or special they are because they’ve spent their whole life somehow believing everyone on the planet is able to read minds or change people’s emotions; or that everyone else has the recurring dream of the mysterious, handsome fellow watching over them until they become “of age” and the guy can finally jump out from behind the bushes and confess his stalker love.

Because none of that would ever have come up in conversation at any point in 18 years for any reason at all.

*yawn*

It really makes it painfully obvious how imperative the editing process is for a writer.  At that point someone could tell you, ‘Hey.  This one’s been done.  Recently.  And the other version is better because at least it wasn’t a knock-off.’

But even if the story passed…..the spelling.  The grammar.  The punctuation.  Ohmygod.  For all that is holy, please someone, help these people for they know not what they do.  It makes me want to stab hot irons into people’s eyeballs when I see some of this stuff.  There isn’t a computer made today that doesn’t have a spellchecker included.  For free!!  Use it.  Please.

I’m not trying to be mean here (ok, maybe a little) but I beg of you self-publishers, have someone who isn’t afraid to give constructive criticism read it over a time or two.  Have more than one person read it over.  Correct all misspellings.  Add or subtract punctuation where needed.  Have your critic(s) list on paper how many ways your story can be compared to Twilight and if that list is 6 or more, try again.  With a new idea.

Fantastically Fantastic!

Inspiray-ay-shun!!!  Woo hoo!  I have an idea to write in my head!  All morning I’ve been having ideas about this story fly through my head.  I’ve been scribbling on sticky notes like a madwoman.  Yay!  I’m more excited than I’ve been about writing in at least a year or two.  I’m so fantastically ebullient!  lmao

Aaahhhh, it’s like coming home!

Introducing….me.

I’m finally giving in to the madness and starting a blog.  I estimate I’m around 13 years late jumping on this trendy bandwagon, but that’s about par for the course in my world.  In high school I didn’t get the one-piece clown suits that were all the rage until they were already out of style.  I rocked that thing for probably an entire school year regardless.  Raise your hand if you think I was one of the popular kids….  Anyone?

So this 13 year delay – give or take….you know, I am aware there are millions upon millions of blogs out there.  What do I have to say that is different?  That has been my internal debate whenever the urge hits me.  Well look, I may not have the first interesting thing to say ever – I make no promises – but I’ve decided it gets me writing and that’s what I want to do.

To give a little info about me…well, full disclosure first, I will be anonymous for this blog.  My name is not Myra or any variation thereof.  I am not 22 and that number has nothing to do with anything about me.  They both fell from the stars as I was creating my user name.  🙂

I chose to do it this way because this will be my outlet for the ‘crazy’.  (We’ll get into that a little more later, I assure you.)  I will be completely and painfully honest about myself and my life in this blog.  I make mistakes, I do things I am not proud of, and I’m trying to find my way in life.  So though I am putting this out here in blog world, I do not want to be judged.  With that said… Hello, my name is Myra.  Nice to meet you.

I mentioned the motivation for starting this blog earlier was so I could write.  Writing is, for me, like standing in line to the ferris wheel but never actually making it to the ride.  It’s a pretty masochistic process.  Despite a virtually constant desire to put pen to paper, I can not seem to make the connection happen.  Any brilliant ideas I have fade away as soon as I sit in front of a computer.  What does make it endures such abuse it’s basically dead in the water.  Therefore, I have decided just getting something out there can possibly help me to get those creative sparks firing again.  We shall see what happens.

What will I write about?  Well, that ‘crazy’ I mentioned earlier…basically, that.  I’ve been working for quite a few years now to become a person who is not governed by my fears.  I’m still working.  It has been a long and difficult process, believe me.

The big fears I am fighting are abandonment, rejection, and trust.  I basically stopped living any sort of life at one point.  Can’t write because what if someone doesn’t think it’s good?  Can’t trust because what if someone hurts you?  Can’t let anyone in because what if they leave?  Can’t love because all of the above.  Not only did I allow myself to stop living, each fear has caused me to make any number of asses out of myself over the years.

This, Blogging Back to the Middle, is my journey back.  India Arie has a song titled ‘Back to the Middle’ on her first album Acoustic Soul.  In the song are the lyrics:

“Needing to protect yourself now that’s just a part of life.
If you let your fears keep you from flying,
you will never reach your height.
To get to the top you must come back to the middle.”

I allow my fears to hold me back.  I allow them to cause me to act erratically at times and send me into a near panic attack.  I have alienated friends and family, as well as myself.

I fight daily with this.  Sometimes I win the battles, and sometimes I lose.  I just want to end the inconsistency.  I want to stop the paranoia.  I want to find my middle.  I hope you choose to join me on my journey.  🙂