My Favorite Bible Verse

I’m on this kick today that apparently makes me want to read things that are difficult for me to understand.  I’ve been online all morning reading Shakespeare sonnets, which despite my lack of comprehension have given a certain level of serenity to my day.  His words are amazing.

So I’m reading Big Will’s sonnets and the ADD kicks in and I space out thinking about weekly bible studies suggested by a friend recently, then I think about old bible studies I used to have with another group of friends, which then led to this one verse.

I’m not big on reading the bible.  I don’t have a great relationship with God…in fact, I often struggle with that relationship.  I have never been touched by all the more famous bible verses they teach you in Sunday School like John 3:16 where he sent his only begotten son, or Romans 3:23 where all have fallen short of the glory of God but he still loves us.  However, I found one a while back that unexpectedly brought me to tears.  Big, silent, crocodile tears just falling down my cheeks.

Hidden way back in one of the lesser taught books – Revelation – after all the plagues and battles and whatever other damnation there is in there it begins to talk about what is supposed to happen next when all things are made new.  Clean Heaven, new earth.

Anyway, Revelation 21:4.  I’ll include verse 3 here as well because it may make more sense that way.  All I have with me at the moment is a New King James version, so that’s where this is from.  (This is John talking, by the way.)

3  And I heard a loud voice from Heaven saying, ‘Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people.  God Himself will be with them and be their God.

4 “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

It may not touch you like it did me, but I’ve shed a lot of tears in my 32 years…and I’ve worked really hard to erase the sorrow and the crying, the pain, the fear.  It’s been a long, lonely road.  So I guess the idea of having someone to finally wipe those away for me.  The idea that I won’t have to do it anymore…no more fighting alone, no more battles to win/lose by myself….there will be a lot of relief when that happens.

This morning I was pretty close to calling Playboy.  I really was.  It was eating away at me.  Finally I asked God to please release me from this love for him (Playboy) if I couldn’t have him.  I immediately felt a sense of relief.  The sadness and the desire abated.  I won’t say it’s completely gone because it’s not, but it’s not consuming me anymore right now.  So maybe God wiped one of those tears away for me a little early.

Where is God?

This is something I’ve struggled with for a while now.  I have friends who talk about feeling God’s presence.  They have a whole heap of faith – at least compared to me.  Personally, I can count on one hand the times in my life when I could have possibly felt His presence.

I have read books, I have prayed, I have cried, begged, and pleaded.  I’ve tried to do the “right things”.  I’ve been positive, I’ve been negative.  I’ve tried time and again to read the bible regularly – that thing is boring.  Sit, be quiet, and listen?  I heard ringing in my ears and finally gave up.

I’ve been a good person for a long time….it doesn’t get me anywhere.  I’ve done things that would be frowned upon…doesn’t change anything either.  You can go into pretty much any situation expecting a certain outcome and you’ll find what you’re looking for – good or bad.

I would love to believe there is a higher power out there.  That there’s a purpose to this life.  I just can’t find it.  Where is He?