I am one hateful trick.

Don’t be messing with me in Dream World.  I’m just sayin’.  Friday night I fell asleep on my friend’s couch watching movies and I was dreaming right before I woke up. 

In my dream my friend was in a wheelchair either paralyzed or with no legs and much the same as Awake World, we were watching a movie and she was texting the whole night.  In Dream World her boyfriend walked into her house in pajamas and I realized she was trying to get me to leave because of him.  I was pissed.  P.I.S.S.E.D.  That’s just girl code.  You don’t do it.  So I got up to leave and walked over to her, turned her wheelchair on it’s back where her feet were in the air (quite gently, might I add) and said to her, ‘How you gonna get up now, you stupid bitch?’ and then woke up. 

Hardcore.  That’s what I am.

Me and being awoken from slumber don’t really get along all that well to begin with  (trust me, my friends have legendary stories to share) and when you add onto that me being Dream pissed, it’s just not pretty.  I knew it was just a dream but logic doesn’t really enter into my reality until I’ve been awake a good 28.46 minutes at the least.  So I stormed out of my friend’s house slamming the door behind me. 

Epically hardcore. 


So Bean….he’s been texting me some.  I’ve seen him twice since my last post.  This is what I’ve determined about myself…..I don’t know that I could suck more at dating.  Or interacting with men period.  The whole world just confounds me and stresses me out like no other.

You know those women who have guys chasing after them in all their unaffected aloofness?  Not me.  Not even a little bit.  I don’t know what to do.  Ever.  Do I text, do I not?  Do I believe him, is he lying?  Should I stay, should I go?  And then there’s the whole issue of what you expect from someone you are not in a relationship with.  This isn’t just with Bean, it’s with any guy.  But I’m telling you, at times it drives me to the point of just wanting to quit.  If I wasn’t so darn stubborn I probably would’ve already given up on men altogether.  I just don’t do it well.

Twice this week I was on the verge of writing him off altogether.  Once because I was just freaking out and thought it best to revert to my old tactic of running and sticking my head in the dirt which always seems logical, and then this weekend because he knew I was hanging out with his mom Saturday night and Sunday (we’re friends from way back) but didn’t bother to show up until late Sunday.

I decide to write him off about mid-afternoon but then there he is all tall and lanky with that cute smile.  At first I’m a tough chick, in my mind my head is doing all kinds of rolling with finger snapping, and I am unfailing in my ability to ignore his very existence…but then he goes and starts talking to me.  Crap.  I lasted about 12 minutes.

I’d decided I would be aloof but not rude because he shouldn’t know it bothered me.  Unfortunately I learned yesterday that my ‘aloof with a side of nice’ facade is not quite as Jason Bourne as the rest of me and therefore embarrassingly easy to penetrate.  But he’s acting like he did nothing wrong..said he played baseball all day (he’s on some local team) and then I’m questioning myself.  Did he do something wrong?  Should I have expected him here?

Needless to say my whole diabolical plan of aloofness was flushed down the toilet and I was giggling like a school girl again within an hour.  On the plus side, he did stick around to “watch movies” until time to go.  And if it’s any consolation, I was pretty darn awesome and charming even if I wasn’t twirling my head and being all badass.  

Leaving I felt like overall I’d handled things pretty well.  So I guess we’ll see what happens.  The saga continues….

Dream a Little Dream

As dreams go, I feel like mine are pretty ordinary.  And by ordinary I mean completely effing nuts.  But aren’t most people’s? 

I’ve had a dream once that I was best friends with Justin Timberlake.  We walked down a road together and he patted me on the top of the head.

I have also dreamed that it was my birthday and as a gift my mother bought me a spiritual advisor.  At the airport waiting to pick him up and guess who…

Mr. Don Cheadle.

With all my crazy dreams last night was a first even for me.  Last night I was Leonardo DiCaprio.  As in I am him, he is me.  Why is this strange?  Hmmm…because I’M A GIRL!!!!

*sigh*  What a pretty, pretty fella I was….  But I digress. 

Unfortunately I wasn’t a glamorous Catch Me If You Can playboy kind of Leo.  Oh no, my dreams couldn’t be so sweet.  Instead, I was a wild, running-from-the-bad-guys kind of Leo which is possibly sexy in the movies but not at all in my dreams.  Maybe if I’d been running with Mr. DiCaprio instead of playing the role of his body double….but whatever.

Wanna guess who the bad guy was? 

That’s right!  Dr. Gregory House.

So I’m Leo and I’m in a work truck that doesn’t want to start and Dr. House is tap-tap-tapping on the window.  Finally it starts and off I drive at a whopping 5 MPH until ol’ Bessie warms up.  Driving, driving, driving and I finally pull up at my parents’ house but it’s not really.  It’s a farmhouse of sorts and off to the side is a trailer where my twin brother (yep, he’s imaginary too) lives with his wife. 

My dream family is apparently cool like that so they know the deal and wish me well before I bolt across the field on foot.  I just barely cross the field before the bad guys round the bend (in a big, yellow school bus no less) and manage to hide in a ditch where they don’t see me.  I’m running, running, running and realize I need to run faster so I’m grabbing at grass, bushes, and baby trees I pass to pull myself faster.  (I’m pretty certain this would never work in real life.) 

Finally I reach a drainage ditch and (don’t forget how Jason Bourne I am) I decide they might have bloodhounds following my scent so I jump in the water to throw them off.  Wading in the water trying to decide my next move, some brightly dressed Asian teenagers (No, I don’t know either.) just getting home from school spot me and are crowding around pointing at the guy in the water.  A police car suddenly pulls up all Dukes of Hazzard style and I am arrested for being in a drainage ditch for no good reason. 

I wake up thinking it’s a good thing because now the evil Dr. House can’t get me.  Har dee harr harr to you, Dr. House!