Mugzee

This past Friday was an extremely difficult day. I had to make the decision to have my little buddy, Mugzee, euthanized. Any dog lover out there can probably empathize with me on this.

He’s the second – and last – of my two boys to go. First was Tazze, who had to be euthanized about 5 years ago at the age of 14. I’ve often wondered if there were such a thing as a doggie soul mate….if there was, Tazze was mine. He was there through some of the more difficult years of my life. He was unconditional love in my life when there was nothing or no one else around to show it. My little shadow. Tazze’s passing was difficult in the way you can imagine losing a “doggie soul mate” would be.

My sweet Tazze

My two boys were polar opposites. Where Tazze was my dog and mine alone, Mugzee was my little social butterfly. Tazze couldn’t care less about anyone in the world besides me, whereas Mugzee would welcome anyone with all the exuberance of his lifelong best friend. Tazze was constantly by my side – following me wherever I went; Mugzee was content to do his own thing though he was the best little cuddle bear I could ask for. They had completely different personalities but they both enriched my life in more ways than I can list here.

Late last week Mugzee, who was also 14, started going downhill and it was a quick decent. The silver lining, if there is one to be found, is that by Friday his discomfort was so obvious it made the decision a little easier to make. My sweet little boy.

So I’m on day two now of my new dog-free world and while I know there will be some good points, it’s been harder in ways I never thought about. Mainly, living alone has never felt so completely alone. I’ve found the nights are particularly difficult for some reason. Where Mugzee was there as a sort of buffer when Tazze passed, this time there’s no one. This is a completely new reality for me.

There’s no one to tuck in and tell good night. No one to greet me in the morning. No one to give hugs and kisses to. I brought lunch home and caught myself wondering if Mugzee was going to want me to share with him, then I realized there’s no one there to share with anymore. Yesterday I dropped my broom on the ground and turned to see if I’d scared my little buddy but he wasn’t there to hear it this time.

My house feels more like a jail right now – a constant reminder of how alone I am, and endless memories of both my boys. Their favorite places to sit. The half full container of Mighty Dog left over from Mugzee’s last bath just a few days ago. I was cooking last night and I felt him there, coming in the kitchen to nose around and hopefully find some scrap of food that had fallen. He wasn’t, of course, but I turned and looked because the feeling was just that strong.

I know that these feelings will fade. I’ll get used to being this alone. I’ll become accustomed to this new world. Right now the absence is so thick I can barely breathe at the worst times. The silence chokes me.

It’s hard right now, but I’m so thankful for the time I had with them.  The love they both gave me.  They were the first place I allowed myself to show my own love.  When the walls were up all around me, those two boys could get past them every single time.  They did more for me than I could ever have done for either of them.

I don’t know the specifics of Heaven, but I hope and pray that when I get there I’ll get my two boys back.  I don’t think it will be Heaven without them.


I HAVE to share.

Is it wrong to copy an online dating profile word for word to post on my blog for amusement?  I certainly hope not because I came across a profile that is way too awesome to let pass without mention. Copyright and Trademark and whatever other key words will keep me from litigation…here we go.

Picture this:  I get an email from a dating web site telling me a guy is interested in me.  Essentially, he ‘winked at’ or ‘poked’ me.  His chosen profile name screams, ‘I’m a poster boy for low self-esteem and you’ll never like me, but oh yeah…my name is John’.  Then I click on his actual profile because Why Not? and I see the guy who just sold someone the biggest used car lemon of their lives with a side of I-Just-Killed-My-Next-Door-Neighbor, but oh yeah…my name is Big Goober’.

I scroll down anyway and oh, what a fantastic payoff for my time!  Here it is, ladies and gents, for your personal enjoyment.

*~*~*~

just so you know…i usually date younger. it suits my personality; but i am starting to see why that doesnt work so well, haha. i also tend to attract younger, i guess guys are boys until theyre 30 or so, i know i was…ha
i have really been thru it the last few years…i just cant understand why it’s so hard to find faithful, loyal, and honest in a cute package. is it really that hard to be those things???it is beyond me how a woman can post pictures of her kids and her boobs at the same time, does anyone think about things before they do them???i also question the judgement of people who post pictures of their children on here…especially with their names!

i have a weakness for nerdy, quirky women in not much make-up and glasses(bonus for curly hair)…and a particular affinity for teachers!!! i love it!

here are a few things that, if seen in your profile, will get you ignored…

1.kissy-pics…cmon
2. pouty-pics…
3. too much cleavage showin intentionally
4. ANY two fingered hand sign flashin…especially with your tongue stuck out gene simmonsesque or pouty lipped (see#2 above)
5. misuse of words/bad grammar…i can’t spell a lick but i know which word i’m goin for!!! ie: there/they’re/their, to/too/two, your/you’re, using the word “myself” incorrectly in a feeble attempt to sound more intelligent…also, just so you know, if you’re adding “-ing” to a word you should drop the “E”- such as in “loving” and “caring” (loveing??? really????)
6. “cute” captions with your pics…that just cheesy…but if YOU’RE gonna do it, do it right..
it’s not “soandso and I”…it’s soandso and ME!!! would you just put “i” under a picture??? i think not
7. glamour shots…for the love of all thats holy
8. pics of pics/bathroom mirror pics…yeah, the first place i want to see you is in the room you crap in
9. “long walks on the beach” “curled up on the couch” “whether it be in heels and a black dress or jeans and a tee” “not afraid to get dirty” “i work hard and play hard”…these are in every profile
10. if you’re lookin up in all your pics, we know you’re hidin a double chin…its true
11. just so you know…if you’re large enough to be a lineman that doesnt make you athletic…and anything over 160 is not average…i’m sorry it’s true. you can cry now.
12. think of “a few” in “a few extra pounds in monetary terms…is 50 or even 20 a few dollars??? if someone said, “loan me a few bucks for lunch” are you shellin out 10s and 20s??? nope
13. if you are not only over weight, but you make up for it by smokin…nice
14. the number of children you have is usually inversely proportionate to the number of pictures of dogs you have in your profile…
15. “smokes occasionally”??? really??? thats a yes or no question..you do or you dont. “i smoke when i drink”-you smoke
16. “i have one” “working” “good job” as an answer for profession screams “wal-mart greeter”\
17. “prefer not to say” assumes the worst…assumes worse than the worst actually
18. the whole “white shirt/khaki shorts” combo on the beach…yeah, thats not over done at all
19. if the word “sassy” appears anywhere in your profile…especially as a caption for a picture, which brings me to the next:
20. if EVERY ONE of your pictures is captioned with something that tries to be cute like “caught you lookin”
21. “i am still great friends with my ex”…it’s a divorce. move on. if this works for you then great…i know from experience it doesnt work for me to date a woman who is friends with an ex. an ex anything as a matter of fact: husband, boyfriend, fwb. it doesnt work…and on a related note, if you dated a cop at one time or another, this spells trouble. i know this from experience as well…
22. testamonials on your profile…creeeepy

so…what am i lookin for??? here it is in a nutshell :

i want first and foremost someone who is honest and dependable and loyal…who always follows thru on promises and never breaks their word…someone who is family oriented and puts family ahead of career and everything else…someone to go places and do things with who will dote on me and show me attn and love-you have no idea how much youll get back if you do!…who will think im pretty cool and be proud of me…who will put me ahead of their ex and not get up from a dinner i cooked to talk to him on the phone(yup it did)…who will wear earrings bc i bought them as a gift even if you dont like em so much(that too)…who wont blow off christmas and holidays to go shoppin or break anniversary plans with a “sht happens”(can you believe i stayed a year???haha)…
so, onto my favorite subject: me! haha
things about me that you should know:
1. the most important thing in the world to me is family…if you dont have people you can depend on, what do you really have? i am not career oriented at all. i have my treasure in other places. i have the two best kids in the world and i work a crummy night job just so i can see them every day. i pick them up from school and keep them until about 6 or so. i have them every other weekend too. i think too many dads write a check and are content to be a dad 4 days a month. i am with my kids because i need them as much as they need me. we are very close and i am also close to my parents whom i respect more than any two people i know. if you can tell alot about a man by the way he treats his mom, go home with me sometime…it will probably be enough.

2. i have no pets but there are two lesbians who live behind me that i feed from time to time.

3. i love to cook…i think a great sunday is findin a cool new recipe in the bookstore and goin to the grocery store to buy the stuff together and cooking and laughing with lots of music and a little beer…

4. i love my arm held in the grocery store…

5. i think that facebook can potentially ruin a relationship and im not too keen on tons of guy friends and guys writing crap on your wall…im just sayin…im just sayin

6. i usually go for younger women, at times much younger. maybe thats my problem but it seems to suit me. i am active and young at heart. i seem to attract younger women too…i guess guys under 30 are boys.

7. i dont take much seriously but the few things i do i take very seriously…like lies and broken promises which are deal breakers to me immediately.

8. i know how to fix your car; drive it to the shop.

9. i never wave at strangers bc they might not have arms and think im just bein a jerk.

10. i love me some jimmy buffett!!! he is my favorite and i listen to him all the time…

11. i love nerdy girls who are smart and quirky and if you wear glasses and not much make-up, you have an unfair advantage already…i am a science/trivia geek myself. my fav show is mythbusters!

*~*~*~

I have a new hero.  I know it’s going to be difficult but please ladies, refrain yourselves from contacting me to beg for his info.

On a distantly related note….I never know when it’s appropriate to mention these things but I’ve met a new guy.  By ‘met’ I mean we’ve been friends at work for a few years now and we just graduated to talking outside of work.  I don’t really know what to say about it except it’s good right now.  Genuinely good guy, smart (much smarter than I probably), a hard worker, and his sweet little Engineer personality makes me happy.

Things are progressing slowly this time around and I’m really happy about that.  My main focus is not making the same mistakes with him as I have in past situations.  I feel like I’m doing a pretty good job at that so far.  Hope is just beginning to round the corner once again.

A little Banksy love.

Road Rage Central

So um, yesterday I’m pretty sure I made some BMW driver pee their pants.  Completely unintentionally, of course!  I don’t know what kind of fool crazy came out of me, but I almost scared the pee out of me too.

I’m driving down a ramp about to merge onto the highway and I see this moron driving in that lane staying right beside my car where I can’t get over.  There are two other lanes beside them that are completely empty, but this sorry sack isn’t letting me merge.  I lose my shiz.

I am suddenly auditioning for the lead role in Exorcist as I twist my head around, hair flying and all.

I scream through my window as I point menacingly, ‘MOVE!  OVER!  NOW!!!‘ 

Whoever it is immediately hits their brakes and I am able to get over.  Let me tell you, they stayed soooooo far away from my car after that you would’ve thought I had dynamite about to detonate on the hood.   

I don’t know what has happened lately but honestly, the drivers in my town are on a mission to drive me mentally insane.  I’ve given it a lot of thought and determined it’s definitely a conspiracy.  

This is me in a nut shell…I’m a fast driver, I’m an agressive driver, but I’m a good driver.  Just get out of my way and you and I….we’re gonna get along just fine. 

Unfortunately, the drivers I am surrounded by on a regular basis have not received their memos and it makes me want to make an extra $30K or so a year.  Not for a bigger house or a better car.  For the sole reason to pay someone to drive me around everywhere in order to regulate my blood pressure.  For realz.  I’ve been asking Jesus for the pay raise as my Christmas present. 

Dear Jesus…These people are making me use dirty words.  I’m borderline homicidal.  Side note:  Why must you make people so incompetent?!?  Anyway, can I please have a personal driver for Christmas?  Amen.

I feel hopeful.

I love driving.  Love, love, love it.  I drive and I do concerts in my car.  It’s my thing.  But lately instead of a concert, I only spend my time wishing for bullhorns, sirens, and a car with a bazooka mounted on the top so I can push a button and obliterate the idiot drivers in my city. 

It would take some dedication as these beings are a prolific bunch.  But given enough time, I feel confident I could eradicate the problem.

I’m tempted to create my own driving manual to pass out at the local DMV in my free time.

1)   The left lane is the FAST LANE.  If you are out “Sunday driving”, far right lane.  Now!  If you are someone who sets your cruise 1 to 5 MPH over the speed limit, you are not going fast.  In fact, you’re barely making the grade.  Far right lane.  Now!  If you have anything attached to the back of your vehicle….any amount of junk piled in the back of your pick-up truck….and any of this requires you to drive below the speed limit, far right lane.  Now!  (And honestly, I should be banishing you to the shoulder, but I’m being generous.)  Basically if you are in the fast lane and a car behind you has to slow down because you suck at life, you fail.

2)  Use of blinkers will not cause your vehicle to spontaneously combust.  They are your friend.  Also noteworthy, by definition blinkers are indicators, which means they should be used prior to the actual turn indicating your intent to get out of my way.  If you begin indicating when half your car has already completed the turn, you are pointless and you fail. 

3)  If you need to change lanes, please use the time before doing so to assess your driving situation.  If for instance, you are at a dead stop and you see a car coming in that lane at regular driving speed….maybe you should wait until that person passes to move over.  If you know that you drive the same speed as the Amish in their horse-drawn buggies and there is anyone coming up in the lane you are wanting to move into…maybe you should wait until that person passes.  If you forget to assess and this results in my having to slam my brakes to avoid entering the back seat of your vehicle, you fail.

4)  Just because you can pull out into a lane hitting zero to 60 in .4 seconds, if after doing so you slow down to 10 miles below the speed limit it negates any good you might’ve previously done and therefore, you fail.

5)  On a one lane road, if you have no intentions of passing the person in front of you, do not proceed to ride their bumper.  No one wants to ride your train.  We are not playing Choo Choo.  You are preventing anyone behind you who actually has the gonads to use their gas pedal to pass and subsequently, you fail.

6)  Along that same line, if a person passes you it is not a personal affront to your character.  It simply means you enjoy a slower pace than the person who passed you.  Simple as that.  Turning your lights on bright for “revenge” or to show your displeasure makes you an idiot.  I won’t even be close enough to see them in just a second.  Guess what….you fail.

These rules are to be implemented immediately.  The complete unabridged version will be mailed to your home within 5 to 7 business days.  Failure to follow these simple, common sense rules will result in you being obliterated by my new Bazooka-mobile.  Thank you for your attention.