“Have you found you a man yet?”
“No, not yet.”
“You better get in gear! You don’t have much more time to be playing around with this! How old are you, 32? You don’t have much more time to be having kids. Think about it, if you had a kid today you’d be 50 when they graduate. You wait much longer you’ll be in a wheelchair!”
These are the most fun conversations a single girl in her 30’s can have. It’s a shame I can’t spend my Friday nights bundled up in one of these warm and fuzzy chats sipping a Mai Tai surrounded by at least half of my 23 cats.
Best part…the quotes above are an excerpt of a conversation I just had this morning with a guy I work with. A guy. I work with. Not a mother wanting desperately to be made a grandmother, a man who has nothing at all to gain from my fertilization.
He was joking….for the most part, but this should be addressed. I know society pushes this picture of the perfect life on us that includes a mom, dad, and 2.5 kids with a big house surrounded by a white picket fence. It’s a pretty picture, and there are some who desire that and will more than likely obtain it at some point in their lives.
I, however, am not one of those ‘perfect picture’ women. Do I want a man in my life? Most of the time, yes. Do I need to have a golden band around my finger with a high-carat diamond mounted to it in order for me to be happy? Not really, no. That’s never been a focus of mine. I’d like to have a man to share my life with, but as long as he’s there I don’t require a ring to prove it. If it happens, great. But I could just as happily be with a man without that formal commitment.
And as for kids….there are times when the idea of having children appeals to me. If that were something that happened for me then I have no doubt I would love that life and I would be the best mother I could possibly be. I would enjoy it, and I would give everything I had to it. But right now, on the other side of that fence where I have no children…I don’t care either way. Because not having them means I continue my life freely, doing whatever it is I want to do.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I just want to live my life the way it’s meant to be. Me, Johnny, and the 2.5 kids with the white picket fence isn’t necessarily my vision of the best for me. I quite like me and Johnny scuba diving in the Atlantic or slurping noodles in Venice…driving scooters down the street in Hawaii. I wouldn’t mind having marks on my passport instead of marks on report cards.
We are all different. Not just in personality, but also in the way we view the world, the things we value, and the things we want out of life. There is enough to worry about without me taking on the burdens of your image of what I should be.
Nothing is wrong with me if I never get married. I am not a leper if I don’t have children. The picture you’re looking at? That’s YOURS, not mine. Take that clock you’re trying to hang over my head, turn it sideways, and…..you know what to do with it. This is my life. Let me live it.