I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger.
~ Stronger, Sara Evans
Can I be honest with you for a minute? This morning….this morning I was weak. For the first time in a long time I thought about Playboy calling me in the mornings on his way to work. But I didn’t just think about it, I actually teared up and because I was at work, I had to fight the urge to just put my head down and cry.
I don’t know why the thought even occurred to me this morning. It’s been over 7 or 8 months since the last time he ever called me like that.
I’ve been kind of sentimental lately though. The other day I was thinking how badly I wanted to be kissed by someone who loves me again. Or maybe kiss someone I love. How it’s so different from any other kiss.
I wondered this morning about his weak moments. I have these random moments where I feel that knife stab me in the heart one more time, or the times when I feel like I miss him so much I could reach my hand out and touch him. Of course I then question if he ever has those. I don’t want to be the only one.
But this morning I realized his weak moments were probably in the beginning when starting a ‘relationship’ with me. That’s when he seemed to struggle. Once he finally did turn his back to leave he didn’t seem to have any trouble walking away. So his weak moments are probably over and done. Good for him.
I’ll get there. One day my guy’s going to come. He’ll show up and make me forget about all the other guys from my past. All the other hurts and disappointments. Playboy will be nothing but a distant memory. A story to tell.
So sure, today may be one of my weakest days, but damnit, I’m getting a little bit stronger.