As dreams go, I feel like mine are pretty ordinary. And by ordinary I mean completely effing nuts. But aren’t most people’s?
I’ve had a dream once that I was best friends with Justin Timberlake. We walked down a road together and he patted me on the top of the head.
I have also dreamed that it was my birthday and as a gift my mother bought me a spiritual advisor. At the airport waiting to pick him up and guess who…
Mr. Don Cheadle.
With all my crazy dreams last night was a first even for me. Last night I was Leonardo DiCaprio. As in I am him, he is me. Why is this strange? Hmmm…because I’M A GIRL!!!!
*sigh* What a pretty, pretty fella I was…. But I digress.
Unfortunately I wasn’t a glamorous Catch Me If You Can playboy kind of Leo. Oh no, my dreams couldn’t be so sweet. Instead, I was a wild, running-from-the-bad-guys kind of Leo which is possibly sexy in the movies but not at all in my dreams. Maybe if I’d been running with Mr. DiCaprio instead of playing the role of his body double….but whatever.
Wanna guess who the bad guy was?
That’s right! Dr. Gregory House.
So I’m Leo and I’m in a work truck that doesn’t want to start and Dr. House is tap-tap-tapping on the window. Finally it starts and off I drive at a whopping 5 MPH until ol’ Bessie warms up. Driving, driving, driving and I finally pull up at my parents’ house but it’s not really. It’s a farmhouse of sorts and off to the side is a trailer where my twin brother (yep, he’s imaginary too) lives with his wife.
My dream family is apparently cool like that so they know the deal and wish me well before I bolt across the field on foot. I just barely cross the field before the bad guys round the bend (in a big, yellow school bus no less) and manage to hide in a ditch where they don’t see me. I’m running, running, running and realize I need to run faster so I’m grabbing at grass, bushes, and baby trees I pass to pull myself faster. (I’m pretty certain this would never work in real life.)
Finally I reach a drainage ditch and (don’t forget how Jason Bourne I am) I decide they might have bloodhounds following my scent so I jump in the water to throw them off. Wading in the water trying to decide my next move, some brightly dressed Asian teenagers (No, I don’t know either.) just getting home from school spot me and are crowding around pointing at the guy in the water. A police car suddenly pulls up all Dukes of Hazzard style and I am arrested for being in a drainage ditch for no good reason.
I wake up thinking it’s a good thing because now the evil Dr. House can’t get me. Har dee harr harr to you, Dr. House!