I feel like I haven’t posted anything new in forever, and now that I look at it…it’s been about three weeks. Ok so…let’s do some updates.
First up, I’ve resumed my vegetarianism! My first week back – today is day 9. This time around I kind of almost have a reason for it. This is notable only because last time it began when I realized it was 10:42 AM and I hadn’t consumed meat yet. Right. I’m kind of random like that.
So this time around I’m doing it for my health. Because I decided I wasn’t so healthy anymore and I realized I felt healthier during the time I wasn’t eating meat. *ding ding* Round 2.
Next up are tarot cards. Yes the smokey room, head scarf, crystal ball, palm reading, fortune telling variety…except not because in this particular situation it was a co-worker who appears relatively normal on all other counts.
I was in a destitute frame of mind a few weeks ago and she offered me a reading, maybe as her way of lifting my spirits. I needed something and I took her up on it. So the next day she walks in my office with a deck of tarot cards and a giant book. I ended up getting a general reading, a love-specific reading, and a two-card reading on three guys. You may can already tell…I found it a little addictive. Even now I think about buying my own deck of cards so I can do my own readings at home. Really.
I mean, who doesn’t want to know what’s coming? Although, after doing a little research I find most people consider these cards a tool that helps point you in the right direction, not predict your future.
So anyway, she told me the general reading indicated someone would be giving me money. A week later I have a fender bender so I’m assuming that ‘someone’ was my insurance company. Not really what I was hoping for.
The love reading(s) were a little better. She said it showed two men in my future that I must choose between. Sounds like a dream come true until she adds that it will be painful for me. Yay. But hey, two is better than none. There was also something about it not happening immediately because something is in the way or distracting.
As for the three guys….well obviously Playboy was one. I shuffled the cards just knowing it was going to be bad. They weren’t. I don’t really remember the specifics but I do remember overall it was a positive reading, and she thought it was highly possible he would be one of the two guys in my future.
Another guy was a co-worker I’d been noticing. This one showed a lot of passion. However, I haven’t seen much of him lately so I’ve kind of forgotten he exists at all.
The third guy….well, it wasn’t a positive reading and he faded out almost as soon as he arrived. Go figure.
I really don’t know what to think of the readings. Part of me wants to discount it but that other side of me hopes it all comes true. Regardless, it was what I needed at the time. It was a little hope when I was almost ready to give up. So true or not, I’m glad it was there when it was.
I’ve briefly mentioned my dysfunctional family in previous posts. It’s not something I spend a lot of time on because it’s just what I know. It’s been this way a long time now. But for the purpose of this story, I’ve been estranged/ostracized from my father’s side of my family since I was 14. My mother’s side of the family isn’t close anyway, but even them I have chosen to distance myself from. It’s not fun to be without family, but in my father’s case it was for my own safety, and in my mother’s it is something I choose for my emotional well being.
That being said, my aunt/cousins from my father’s side have come around periodically over the years. They initiate contact and I make myself available for whatever event is going on at the time. Typically someone is dying, has just died, or most recently, someone was getting married.
At any rate, I recently initiated contact with my cousin suggesting we get together soon. This past weekend she invited me to a Christmas party she was attending.
I don’t know how to describe it really, but in this room of virtual strangers I felt at home somehow. To be sitting there with someone who favors me, who shares some of the same mannerisms….someone who has known me since I was born…with people who know my family and point out our similarities. This cousin who hasn’t really been around for 18 years, yet we can pick up exactly where we left off with laughter and new beginnings not because we’re ignoring the elephant in the room, but because we love each other and it’s more important to enjoy what we have right now than to muss through what has been. She’s my family.
I’ve never realized how much I miss out on without family. When it’s not there you don’t know what could be I guess. This weekend I got a rare glimpse and honestly, I didn’t want to leave. I finally felt like I belonged. Not to take away from my friends…it’s just different with family. I guess the direct relation and similarities…. Like I said, I don’t know how to explain it but I’m so thankful I have it to talk about. It was quite a neat feeling.