Purpose

Do you ever have that feeling you should be doing something bigger?  That there’s some purpose you have but somehow the answer of what it is never appears?  That’s how I feel today.  It’s such a frustrating feeling because I don’t know how to figure out what I should be trying to do or even where to start. 

Overall I’m a fairly average person.  Average looks, average talents…  I think most people have that sense of being average but there’s at least one area where they really shine.  Where is my niche?  I can sing, but only well enough to get my feelings hurt.  I can write but I can’t seem to find a point anywhere, or a genre that really gets me going.  I can take good pictures but they’re nothing to write home about.  Even my job…I wasn’t driven enough to receive an actual college degree.  My job isn’t a passion, it’s what pays the bills.  There is no passion for me. 

Where can I shine?  I want to shine!!

Of course, whatever I do I want to be different.  I don’t want to sing like Whitney Houston; I don’t want to write like John Grisham; and I don’t want to take photographs like Ansel Adams.  I have this drive to be unique.  Unique and natural…raw.  Just me and innate, unfiltered talent.

Sometimes I wonder if I don’t have a subconscious fear of failing that keeps me from ever trying.  But on the other hand, I have no clue what to try in the first place.  I’m just floating listlessly through life letting the waves take me where they will.

I sometimes feel like if I could find my purpose and get on the track I should be on, everything else in my life would fall into place.  I just need to find that first step and take it.  Find that paddle so I can get to the island instead of drifting out farther. 

It’s frustrating today.  The excitement tingling under my skin with no focus.  And so it goes…

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