Do you ever have that feeling you should be doing something bigger? That there’s some purpose you have but somehow the answer of what it is never appears? That’s how I feel today. It’s such a frustrating feeling because I don’t know how to figure out what I should be trying to do or even where to start.
Overall I’m a fairly average person. Average looks, average talents… I think most people have that sense of being average but there’s at least one area where they really shine. Where is my niche? I can sing, but only well enough to get my feelings hurt. I can write but I can’t seem to find a point anywhere, or a genre that really gets me going. I can take good pictures but they’re nothing to write home about. Even my job…I wasn’t driven enough to receive an actual college degree. My job isn’t a passion, it’s what pays the bills. There is no passion for me.
Where can I shine? I want to shine!!
Of course, whatever I do I want to be different. I don’t want to sing like Whitney Houston; I don’t want to write like John Grisham; and I don’t want to take photographs like Ansel Adams. I have this drive to be unique. Unique and natural…raw. Just me and innate, unfiltered talent.
Sometimes I wonder if I don’t have a subconscious fear of failing that keeps me from ever trying. But on the other hand, I have no clue what to try in the first place. I’m just floating listlessly through life letting the waves take me where they will.
I sometimes feel like if I could find my purpose and get on the track I should be on, everything else in my life would fall into place. I just need to find that first step and take it. Find that paddle so I can get to the island instead of drifting out farther.
It’s frustrating today. The excitement tingling under my skin with no focus. And so it goes…