Do you ever have that feeling you should be doing something bigger?  That there’s some purpose you have but somehow the answer of what it is never appears?  That’s how I feel today.  It’s such a frustrating feeling because I don’t know how to figure out what I should be trying to do or even where to start. 

Overall I’m a fairly average person.  Average looks, average talents…  I think most people have that sense of being average but there’s at least one area where they really shine.  Where is my niche?  I can sing, but only well enough to get my feelings hurt.  I can write but I can’t seem to find a point anywhere, or a genre that really gets me going.  I can take good pictures but they’re nothing to write home about.  Even my job…I wasn’t driven enough to receive an actual college degree.  My job isn’t a passion, it’s what pays the bills.  There is no passion for me. 

Where can I shine?  I want to shine!!

Of course, whatever I do I want to be different.  I don’t want to sing like Whitney Houston; I don’t want to write like John Grisham; and I don’t want to take photographs like Ansel Adams.  I have this drive to be unique.  Unique and natural…raw.  Just me and innate, unfiltered talent.

Sometimes I wonder if I don’t have a subconscious fear of failing that keeps me from ever trying.  But on the other hand, I have no clue what to try in the first place.  I’m just floating listlessly through life letting the waves take me where they will.

I sometimes feel like if I could find my purpose and get on the track I should be on, everything else in my life would fall into place.  I just need to find that first step and take it.  Find that paddle so I can get to the island instead of drifting out farther. 

It’s frustrating today.  The excitement tingling under my skin with no focus.  And so it goes…

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