Once in a Blue Moon

He was never mine to begin with.  I had no claim on him.  So it really shouldn’t bother me, watching him move on.  Yet it does.

He was never mine and shouldn’t have been.  He lives in another country, for goodness sake.  But that didn’t matter to me at the time.  It wasn’t about where he was or where I was.  It was about that connection.

I have a hard time making connections.  Especially in a potential romantic situation.  So when I met this guy – over the internet – and we had one it was like the clouds had parted and heaven was shining down on me.  (Hear the angels heralding?)

A little time passes and I do some major freaking out over something I shouldn’t have even mentioned and away he goes.  (It’s a talent I’ve developed over time.)  Where we once spoke every single day, he didn’t speak to me for 2 or 3 months.  I tried to apologize.  Well, I didn’t try, I did.

We have since spoken and moved on from that, just recently.  The difference is, he didn’t come back the way he left.  He came back with a girlfriend.  And God bless him, it’s great for him.

I could have never filled that role if I’m honest with myself.  Because of the distance alone.  But damnit, that was my connection.  That was my “once in a blue moon”.

Thank God I don’t have to watch it happen in person, right in my face.  Honestly.  Because ouch.  Instead, I get to watch it on Facebook.  His new profile picture of the two of them.  Her by his side where I should’ve been.  Him joining little fan groups like ‘I love thinking of our future together’ and ‘I don’t care if it’s 5 minutes or the whole night, I just want to see you’.  *BARF!!!* I can’t hate though, because the knife that just stabbed me in the chest?  It’s what could’ve been.

I know he couldn’t be the guy for me.  Obviously.  But that doesn’t matter.  I’m still alone while he’s off being someone else’s fella.  He’s giving my blue moon lovin’ to her, and now I have to go find another one.  C’est la vie.

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